Enter at your own risk! Lots of exclamation points and smiley faces to follow!
I walked outside after a long day. Walked to our mailbox tired, weary, and still waiting.
I have been checking my email three times a day.
Making sure I haven't missed a call.
Yet, even still, silence.
I made it to our mailbox and had a dog literally jump on my back barking. The neighbor's escape artist. I mean really... I am already tired, I don't need the threat of being attacked by a dog. Whew!
I told the dog, in my best country accent, to "GIT". And he did.
I opened the door of our mailbox, slid out the stack of envelopes. Bill, ad, bill, bill, DSS.
Wait, what? We are supposed to be getting our homestudy approved, could this be our letter? The one that we have been waiting for?
I ripped it open and read way faster than I ever have. I made it to the part that still makes my heart skip a beat. "your homestudy has been reviewed and approved."
Approved? Approved!!!! APPROVED!!! :) :)
I LITERALLY danced in my driveway!!!! If I could have screamed I would have, but it was late, and my neighbors wouldn't have appreciated that I am sure.
I ran in the house and texted my husband. He was working and I just couldn't hold it in.
We both have waited a long time for approval. And I feel like that has always been a deep part of my personality.
Maybe it's the minor Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, maybe the perfectionism, maybe a lot of things.
I have sought approval. Jesus is showing me that this is something I need to work on. Our society is centered around being approved of.
I don't want approval to hold me back from life living.
I know that our family will be under high scrutiny and review for a long time. I know that there will be many days of holding my breath for approval.
I just don't want to stand in fear.
I am starting a book called Nothing to Prove. In this season for us, it's all about proving ourselves as worthy and fit parents. Worthy and fit spouses. Worthy and fit members of society.
Yet, in the midst of it, I want to find my hope in the God whose thoughts are higher than my thoughts, who has already marked me Approved, who turns the bitter into sweetness.
You don't have to prove anything to Him. Hallelujah!
Whether you are a "good enough" mama, whether your house is clean enough, whether you are a "good enough" friend, whether your meals are instagrammable, whether you have been a "good enough" spouse. None of that matters to Him. He has paid your price.
He has went before my husband and I on this journey to a family. He is already holding that precious little one. His foot has stepped in everything we will.
He has paid the price for our baby. All we have to prove is His faithfulness. And He is just that...faithful.
Love and Laughter,