As you might know we welcomed our little girl into our home via foster care. I had spent years praying for this precious one, I just didn't know who she was.
I prayed that God would allow me to feel similar feelings that homegrown mamas feel. And he has granted me that and much more. Even though she is older, I still am up at night with her, I am running to and fro from doctor's appointments, I am staring at her face every chance I get.
I feel the weight of being a mama. I love our baby girl so much I could scream. So much it hurts. She was waited for. For a long time. Fought for. Again, for a long time. And I wish every pain and heartache she is enduring could be mine instead.
Our hearts are similar, hers and mine. We relate to each other's need for love, we understand but still can't fully comprehend the pain each of us has been through to get to this point. The ebb and flow of emotions have us running back to each other and back to our Father.
She told my husband and I that "Jesus love me so much". Oh He does sweet girl, He sure does.
When the waves of foster care crash against me, I have to keep laying us back at His feet. He loved her first. He protected her first. He fashioned her in our hearts first. Before we ever knew her name.
She is so much like both me and my husband. Isn't God good that way? Personalities, mannerisms, preferences. Heartgrown.
Even though there is so much hurt that we cannot take away or comprehend, He is still good. Her hugs, kisses, and artwork covering my refrigerator are constant reminders from Him.
Those days you watched other mamas get their hugs and kisses from their babies, I saw you. Those pieces of artwork you sent home to parents of other children, I saw you. Those nights you dreamed of rocking a precious little one in your arms, I saw you. And each of these are a gift from Me.
I am so thankful for the wait God held me in. Due to that wait, I can see what most people miss. I can cling to what many would ignore. His promise.
To set the lonely in families.
To give the orphan a name.
To mend a hopeful mama's heart with the arms of a little girl.
Friends, this motherhood thing, has been everything I have asked for and more! Thank you for your continued prayers and kindness. This process is not all puppy dogs and bunny tails. Thank you for holding us up when we hurt and caring for our baby as much as we do! Oh! And also for being patient with the lack of pictures! It kills me for you not to be able to see her precious face!
Love and Laughter,