Blind Faith

Hey sweet friends.

This post has been months in the making. It takes the wind out of me just to begin writing but I want to share what our sweet Jesus has been doing in our lives of late. I am bearing my heart, please be gracious.

We have been asked to give up a lot. I fought. Wrestled. Cried. We were in the process of building our dream house, on the most beautiful land in the country and settling in to our dream jobs. It was perfect. But it wasn’t. God was quietly asking us to give it away. Move to the one place on Earth I didn’t want to go. He asked us to give up our comfortable jobs we loved. He asked us to move hours away from our sweet and closest friends. He asked me to give up being near my precious family. He asked me to wreck my 50 year plan in His presence.

Be faithful to the life I have created for you. Faithful. In the past few months that word has felt like cursing. I didn’t want to be faithful to that plan. I wanted to aligned Jesus’ “maligned” plan to mine. Sounds silly doesn’t it? I wanted to sit in my vat of selfishness. I thought of every way out and made every excuse for why we shouldn’t listen.

Then I let it go. I had hit the point of no return. Either run back to Jesus’ arms or deny His plan for my life. So I ran. Crying with that ugly girl cry. Jesus was gracious to wrap me up and whisper sweet promise over me. Even when I had fought so hard against Him. All He needed was me to resign to His power and promise.

We hear sermons preached on faithfulness but we tend to miss out on how difficult that really is. God has given me a contract to sign, yet there are no words on the page. Do I know why He has called us to move? Do I know what is going to happen when we get there? What exactly does God have in store for us? I don’t know. When people talk to me about moving, they are confused. So am I. It doesn’t make any worldly sense. Unfortunately, in the Church today, it doesn’t make any sense there either. But it does make biblical sense. Jesus said pick up your cross and follow me. Follow me. That meant following Him to death. Today, for me, it is death to my selfish dreams. But with death in Jesus comes life. He is giving us new life to new dreams. Those dreams are centered in the Kingdom of Jesus.

It may not be moving four hours away from the only home you have ever known, but if Jesus is asking you to do something hard, run into Him. He asks us to do things that don’t make sense, but if we chose not, we miss out on the blessing of being in the center of His will. I am praying for those of you who are having to make those choices. It’s beautiful. Beautiful doesn’t mean easy, or fun. Beautiful is taking hard hits to your soul and standing back up. It’s losing everything and in return being given everything. Beautiful is just that. Beautiful.

I am so thankful for a husband willing to let me cry and pray earnestly over me. Who is allowing Jesus to do the work to provide in His plan. One blessing we have already received is a marriage that instead of drifting away has clung to rest firmly in each other. Even when the storms come. Even when our feet fail. Jesus is worth it. There are going to be long, hard roads ahead of us, but we have peace that surpasses all understanding.